How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
