I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
