Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
