What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So vagazzling was a success
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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