the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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