why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
