You really coming over, don't trick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
