I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
