she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
