Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
