I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
