No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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