Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
