The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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