Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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