We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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