Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
