if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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