it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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