Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize