He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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