I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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