the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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