CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize