At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
