I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
