Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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