I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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