I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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