You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
