I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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