My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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