And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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