It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
