Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
