I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
