Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
