omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
