Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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