you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
