Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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