The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
