The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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