When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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