Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
