Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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