I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
