Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
