The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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