i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
