Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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