he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
