My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
