drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
