He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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