Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
