Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
