watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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