We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
