I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
