you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
