I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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