Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
