i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
