god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I believe in your delicious
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize