you would pick up someone in the library
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Randomize
