yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Damn victory sex feels great
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
