I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
