My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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