Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
