1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
