I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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