direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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