i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
