I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
