There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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