I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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