Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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